**Trigger Warning for Parental Neglect and Abuse**
Also, my blood started to boil after reading this article, so maybe a trigger warning for “This is going to piss you off heavily!” should also be considered for the link and my commentary.
There’s a lot to unpack in this short article, and my debutant feminist skills will probably merely scratch the surface. I’m sure my fellow peeps will point out in comments many things that my commentary will miss. No, Ms. Lopez should not have left the house without telling her significant other that she was leaving. No, Ms. Lopez should not have left the sliding door open to the pool area. No, she should not have trusted her three children to the care of an unresponsive father. Ms. Lopez’s comments regarding her son’s juvenile diabetes smack of abelism. The question I want to pose, that the journalist apparently failed to ask is, “What about the Dad?”
The father is only mentioned twice, both times in the opening paragraph. He is also listed as being home while his son drowned. Now, I have no idea about the layout of the house; but wouldn’t the Dad be checking in on his family? I mean, sure, I know society likes to think that the Mom should raise the children alone, but really? Doesn’t a Dad have a responsibility to, I don’t know, make sure his children haven’t drowned in a pool in the backyard at least once every few hours? Doesn’t the father have some sort of responsibility to his children that cannot be shrugged off because something interesting is on the Television? Why is Ms. Lopez charged with three counts of child neglect, but the father, who the article states was home at the time, not charged with anything? Wouldn’t “you let your 2 year old son drown because you were too lazy to look out the window” count as Neglect or wrongful death? Or is it possibly, that its such a foregone conclusion that men aren’t good parents, that the police nor his district attorney, see any validity in pressing charges against him?
It was HER father, the grandfather of the kids. Though generally that is the way these stories play out.
I understand your feelings and agree, what about the father? However, i think the article states that it is HER father who was home, not the father of the children…Am i misreading?
Still though. What about the mens here? Her father and the kids’ father?
I may be reading this incorrectly, but I believe that it was Ms. Lopez’s father, not the children’s, that was there. I’m not trying to excuse anyone here, but if he thought that the children were with their mother, it probably didn’t occur to him to “check in on them.
I had to read it a couple of times, but the article said that her father, presumably the children’s grandfather, was the only other adult home. So yeah, as you say, I don’t know the layout of the house but it seems fairly reasonable to me that he might be upstairs napping or whatnot and not expecting to be babysitting his grandchildren since he assumed their mother was home. That’s different than the father of the children who presumably has equal parental responsibilities being home and not checking on them, I think.
What drives me nuts is that people will assume that fathers are just naturally neglectful of their own children and incompetent to be real parents, but then those same people will accuse feminists of being “man-haters”.
While I agree with you in principle – either you or I have misread the article. I think that it was Ms. Lopez’s father who was home at the time, not the father of her children.
Its quite possible I have misread this very short article. Either way, there is someone else here that was to be watching over the children that is not being held to the same standard. And it speaks more of the culture of the media, that the “man” at home doesn’t hold any responsibility, and is only worth a scant notice in the article.
Reading the linked article, it seems to say that it was not the children’s father who was at home, but Ms. Lopez’s father, who didn’t know he was now in charge of the kids as she didn’t tell him she was leaving. I don’t know how much, if any, responsibility the grandfather has in this situation.
If it was indeed the children’s father, I agree on all counts, because if both parents are home I don’t think merely assuming the mother has the childcare covered is ok.
hmmm…trying to find an original report from a news source or something and can’t find it. i’m just curious if it was truly Ms. Lopez’s father, i.e. the child’s grandfather, or if that was a misprint.
okay, found something that does confirm it was the grandfather who was home. does anyone know the legality of this kind of neglect? i’m just thinking of the horrendous stories about baby-sitters who have been charged with abuse or neglect in similar cases. shouldn’t the grandfather be held somewhat responsible?
http://www.ktnv.com/Global/story.asp?S=12471195
There’s a lot that’s missing from the article here. We don’t know anything about Ms Lopez’ father – maybe he has dementia, or some physical infirmity that makes him unable to care for three active toddlers.
Which possibly makes her even more culpable – if this is the case, then she can well and truly be considered to have left the children alone.
Even if the grandfather IS both mentally and physically capable of caring for the kids, she still left them under his care without telling (or asking!) him about it.
I know that if I were, say, in my office at home and my husband was looking after our daughter downstairs, it wouldn’t necessarily occur to me to check on them. He could very easily sneak out without my knowing about it, and depending on how immersed I was in what I was doing, it might be half an hour or more before I popped my head out – because I would be assuming that she was under the care of a responsible caring adult. It only takes a few seconds for a child to drown in a swimming pool.
This is a tragic story, and I do hope that everyone in this family gets the help that they need. But I would want to know a lot more about the grandfather’s situation, before calling for charges against him in this case.
Either way, there is someone else here that was to be watching over the children that is not being held to the same standard. And it speaks more of the culture of the media, that the “man” at home doesn’t hold any responsibility…
This is really a very different situation than if it were the children’s other parent home. An adult who is not the child’s guardian, and who presumed the child to be in the care of his/her guardian is not the responsible party. There are very different standards for guardians in regards to their responsibility to their children, and rightly so. I don’t think this speaks to the culture of the media; it speaks to the laws regarding who’s responsible for a child’s well-being – his or her legal guardian(s).
Why, InfamousQBert? The grandfather didn’t know he was babysitting, which was the whole problem. If the mother had said “I’m running out, watch the kids,” absolutely. But I don’t think a non-parent automatically assumes responsibility for children just by virtue of being on the premises IF s/he has no idea the kids aren’t otherwise being watched.
please forgive anything here that’s a product of privilege. that’s not a disclaimer, but a request for gentle correction if needs be. i’m trying to tease out what of my experiences can and should be considered “basic expectations of adults around kids”.
without some of the data that JMegan brought up (we don’t know if the grandfather was mentally/physically able to care for children), i’ll make the assumption that he WAS a capable caregiver. growing up as the child of working parents, i was often under the care of many people besides my parents. i honestly can’t remember a time when every adult or teenager pretty much within screaming distance wasn’t considered “responsible” for the kid or kids in the house. it would have been unheard of for my grandmother not to know exactly where every grandchild was at all times, regardless of my mother’s or aunt’s whereabouts.
I should clarify that other parties can and have been charged with child abuse or neglect, but only when they’ve specifically taken on the responsibility to care for the child. I’m assuming the mother was the only one charged because – as the article specifically addressed – she left without notifying her father or placing the children in his care.
I think we’re clear at this point that the man was her father, rather than the father of her children. No further corrections are necessary. Thank you.
Let’s look at this from another perspective: a child drowns. The child’s grandparent was the only one home. When the police come, he says: “But I thought my daughter was home!”
Do you think he escapes culpability here? You’re all looking at this from the perspective that the mother was the only possible caretaker here. You’re all making the same mistake.
When a child lives in the house EVERY adult in attendance is responsible for the child, no matter who they are.
Sorry, I’m still really confused by the idea that the grandfather is automatically responsible for the kid every single moment he’s in the same building as them even if he thinks one of their actual parents is watching them and hasn’t been told otherwise. Is he allowed to take a nap? Is he allowed to sleep past the time they get up in the morning? Is he ever allowed to do anything behind closed doors if the kids might be home? This idea makes no sense to me.